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'82Pirate

Joined: 10/25/2005 Posts: 3620
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Pirate report card for midterm


So, we're 6 games in and sport a 3-3 record. Could be anywhere from 1-5 to 5-1, so, all in all, the ball has bounced fairly evenly.

Midterm grade report from Professor '82, who's known in the halls of Brewster as a persnickety old tenured fart with strong opinions, alcohol on his breath and a memory that left him in 2014.

Overall - B- (2 mysterious absences noted)

Defense - B (Solid B with a positive trend, not the kind where you're hoping for a massive curve or forgiveness on the final but the kind where you call your parents and let them know it's starting to make sense)

Offense - C- (The kind where the professor notes you show occasional glimpses of proficiency but have a tendency to come to class hungover and make the same stupid formulaic mistakes you made before the syllabus was handed out)

QB - C+ (What week is it? Was hoping for graduate-level work but still seeing a tendency to relapse into freshman 101 decision-making; seemingly reluctant to create extemporaneously)

Running backs - A- (A welcome surprise; Mr. Mitchell has speed reminiscent of CJ2K, who rarely came to class)

Receivers - B (Positive trends noted for Messers Snead, a curve spoiler, Omotosho, whose stone hands had him on double-secret probation previously, and Calhoun, who has been a nice surprise; re: Mr. Johnson, see previous hangover reference)

O-line - B (improving trend)

D-line - B (improving trend)

Linebackers - B (stable)

Secondary - B (This B is perhaps more substantive and remarkable than all others, considering where this unit has been for 5-plus years; some significant improvement overall; in most games we can now count the number of explosion plays without taking off a shoe)

Play calling - D- (As imaginative and exciting as a day-old McNugget; DK, which appears to stand for Doesn't Know, has a tendency to try to coast to the finish line with a 3-point lead in the second quarter)

Coaching overall - B- (Team is clearly more competitive at most positions and overall, but must address concerns about offensive production and play calling; yes, defense wins championships, but not if the offense can't score 21 points)

Special teams - C (Not overly special at mid year; FG range has been recalibrated to inside the 20; however, improving trend noted in starting field position from kickoffs, simply by accepting a touchback)

Note to parents: It's probably time for a conference.


Posted: 10/13/2021 at 10:34AM



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Pirate report card for midterm -- '82Pirate 10/13/2021 10:34AM
  Outstanding ** -- Miami Pirate 10/13/2021 11:07AM
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